Okay, so not really. I mean, I'm not the homicidal one, naturally. I've just had Mark David Chapman on the brain lately. Y'know, John Lennon's murderer? Yeah, that guy. I don't know what it is, really. Maybe because I'm reading The Catcher in the Rye for the first time and the fact that the film Chapter 27 has come out recently is what's doing it. Anyways...

I find myself wanting to know what went through his mind. Y'know, since it was practically his favourite book and all. I mean, what in JD Salinger's writing could spur a man to kill? What in the last few chapters--the ones I have yet to read, I mean--made Chapman murder John? What could make him fire those five shots into a man so beloved?

I wonder if I'll ever know. Dad told me the last time I talked to him that Catcher won't tell me anything. That Mark David Chapman was just a loser--a fat, crazy loser. But I kind of hope my dad is wrong. I want a little bit of insight, even if it is insight into insanity. That'd be enough.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm maybe like Chapman in some way. I think I scared Mum when I mentioned him last night...She doesn't really understand my Beatle-loving, but she knows who Chapman is. It's not as if I want to be like him or anything. There's something decidedly unappealing about being a killer and all. It's just...he murdered one of my idols, a fab musician. I sort of feel like Mrs Nielson, Mrs Gasaway, Chapman and myself are the only people who really love Salinger. Love Catcher. And that's more than a little scary, y'know. Because who wants to see themselves and two of their favourite teachers in with someone who's serving a life sentence in Attica State prison? It's not that I like Chapman at all, you see. I would just really like to know what about Holden Caulfield's story could inspire such a violent act.